BRB. Just poppin' round the world.

GO HARD OR GO HOME!!!

Kiwi-a-go-go Land - what a place! 

Go. Go now and book your ticket to this magical country. Go and meet the amazing people that live and travel there. Go now and behold the beauty of that country. Go now and gape at the thousands of sheep over-populating the fields. Go now and I promise you, you shall not regret it.

I don’t know what it was, whether it was the places, the sights, the people, or possibly just the cold weather, but I totally fell in love with New Zealand. Which is strange for me, as I always imagined myself finding a city more appealing to live in than a place where the ratio of sheep outweigh the humans 9:1. Then again, that could just be my Welsh blood taking over; Dwy yn garu fy’n nafard. Like I told a lovely young intoxicated chap one evening; us Welsh love our sheep so much, our traditional initiation ceremony at 18 is shagging a sheep (and if you’re only half Welsh, fingering a sheep). 

I started New Zealand experience thinking that I am more than ever on my own and that I knew no one in this new country. Bloody hell, how I was wrong! The first words  heard when walking on to my Kiwi Experience bus were literally “Hello, Stanger!” and bumping into familiar faces from my travels was definitely not an uncommon occurance. Despite seeing so many old faces, these weren’t the only people that made my trip to Kiwi Land so unforgettable. Actually, it was mostly with my new friends who I made the best memories with. Like, playing Giant Jenga at 1am, breaking an entry (Sorry, Dad - he’s an ex-policeman), doing sit-ups in the middle of a bar, going to my first rugby match (which is ironic since I’m Welsh and rugby is our sport), getting given $10 to give to my friend who was participating in a wet t-shirt competition by a guy I told she was my girlfriend (Sorry, Malin, I stole your hard earned cash!), going out every night in Queenstown that by the end of my stay there, the bouncers didn’t need to look at my ID as they knew who I was (including one I’d never spoken to!). Getting told I “look different wit’ ‘at on”, getting my heart broken by a Yorkshire man (Damn you, Phil Crayon!! Damn you and your God-like sex appeal!!!), giving some guys their first experience of a girl farting in front of them, going to a house party where tiny men chill in hidden cupboards, and climbing into fields and attempting to become one with the sheep (and failing horrendously).

These are a just small things too, the above don’t account for the amount of times I laughed until my sides ached with the girls and laughed until my sides ached AT the boys! These occasions don’t even involve any of the awesome activities and sights I got to do and see. I sky-dived, went black water rafting, white water rafting, bungy jumped, sandboarded, ludged, parasailed and paticipated in a Maori cultural evening. Me and some mates rented a car from Queenstown to see the Milford Sound fiords and saw the most breathtaking (and photoshopped looking) scenery I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m talking giant mountains with snow dipped tips, fields dotted with sheep, bright pink and orange skies, lakes reflecting the landscape better than the actual views themselves. And this was just the drive to the Sounds! It was also great to have our own vehicle and have that freedom again… it was even more fun for me as I was still drunk from the night before for the entire 3 hour drive down to the harbour! The Milford Sounds itself was also stunning, but, if I’m honest, I’m still not sure what a fiord is (Sorry, Phillip, they just look like mountains/cliffs to me!) and the entire day would have been worth it just for the drive alone. That day is definitely one of my favourite from my travels.

(I also feel the need to mention that I’ve seen a ridiculous ammount of places where Lord of the Rings was filmed, for example, Mount Doom. Y’know just to rub it in the faces of any avid LOTR fans out there!)

Kiwi Experience also involved parting hard almost every night of our time on the bus. I’ve never partied so frequently in such a short amount of time before, it took over a week to recover after Kiwi was finishd! But, man, were all those late drunken nights and early mornings worth it! I got to dress up like a ninja, do a three legged pub crawl, watch girls dance on bars in tiny bikinis and wet t-shirts, I even got ran over - dedication to the drunken cause or what! I think that definitely beats the time I faceplanted out of a taxi in Sydney!

Once again though, without all the amazing people I met on my Kiwi-a-go-go Land experience, I wouldn’t have had half as an epic time as I did with you guys! Seriously, you all rock, even if certain people think I’m a smelly tramp (:p), I know some of you enjoyed my big spoonage and filthy mind (and butt) and I love you guys for that (: I hope you’re all still having a wicked time; whether you’re now home, in Asia, Oz, the States, enjoying your lightsaber, or just plain getting down and dirty again ;) 

Until we meet again though, you guys’ll just have to find someone else to stink out the room!

Now I’m in Fiji and all I can say is a man next door just made the most follow through sounding fart I’ve ever had and I’m working on my ‘tan’ extremely hard, whilst thinking of all you poor Uni students sitting your lovely exams at home! God, it’s a hard life! :D

“Have a shower… I can do that. I can do that…”

I made it! It took a full day of stress and having to say an unexpected “see you guys soon” to Lynsey and Sarah, but I did the East Coast! And it was EPIC!

Brisbane

So my first couple of nights in Brisbane were really daunting. After spending nearly two months with the girls, it was scary being by myself again and having to introduce myself as “Gail”, after getting used to being “Gail and co.”. After getting over the initial shock however, I met some people in my dorm on my last night and we went out clubbing, which was, ummm, interesting. Let’s just say it was full of silly little girls who need to get over themselves and grow up, and the most incestuous pair of cousins I’ve ever come across O.o

I went to The Lone Pine koala sanctuary whilst in Brisbane, where I got to hold a koala (he was so cute and soft!) and feed kangaroos, including a baby kangaroo that kept climbing all over me and thought that the food in my brown paper bag was different to the food in my hand…which I kept getting out of the bag. Smart kid. I also ventured to the art galleries and museum. In my opinion the National Gallery of Queensland was okay, but the Gallery of Modern Art is definitely worth a trip to see and has now made me even more excited for the MoMA in New York City!

Noosa

Noosa, unlike Brisbane, started off with a wicked bang. I got on really well with one of my dorm mates called Laura (who said some of the best lines I’ve ever heard!) and we got on the drinking train A-sap. We ended up playing drinking games with a few Germans we met, then some other people from the hostel and us got a taxi to a club…I think. I don’t actually remember getting to/being at the club. The next part I remember is walking (or should I say zigzagging) for an hour to get back to my hostel, as apparently I have no common sense when I’m intoxicated and didn’t realise that if I got a taxi TO the club, I should probably get one back FROM the club! Well done, Gail Elizabeth. It was cool though; some Australian surfer dudes picked me up on the last hill to the hostel and gave me a ride. Then I proceeded to get taunted by another dorm mate, as I attempted to go to bed quietly but ended up kicking the same beer bottle across the tiled floor several times. I also had pushed said dorm mate in a fountain earlier that night… TOTALLY his fault though; if he wasn’t so much of a pussy and could hold his own against a weak arse like me, he wouldn’t have got wet ^__^

The next day I was WAY too hungover to do anything, even a walk from the shuttle bus to the supermarket (a 2 minute walk) almost killed me. On my last day however, Laura and I went to do the coastal walk around Noosa, which was really beautiful and watched Faulty Towers in the evening. Bloody love Basil.

Rainbow Beach/Fraser Island

When the bus pulled up to Rainbow Beach, it was like I was back in Western Australia again. Rainbow Beach is ridiculously small with nothing much going for it, apart from being the closest place to Fraser Island. My first night there wasn’t a complete bust however; I met some nice people and played cards with them, which was really fun. I also met the goofiest person I’ve ever come across in my life. Honestly, the noise he made when he got excited was like a seal - it bloody cracked me up! But bless him; he fed me my first proper meal in what felt like an age! I think he may have been Mother Teresa in a tall, male, bleach blond hair and straw hat disguise.

The next few days I spent camping on Fraser Island. I went on a self-drive safari, where you follow a lead driver around the island in 4x4s, with about 7 other people in your car and you all take it in turns to drive. Sadly, because I’m under 21, I didn’t get to drive because of insurance reasons. However, I still had an awesome time and some of the sights we visited on the island were amazing. We swam in a fresh water lake, which was SO lush, saw a shipwreck on the beach, swam in pools were the waves crashed so the sea looked like champagne foam, we walked down a creek and walked to sand dunes, where we got to swim in a lake of rain water with catfish (where I made the extremely intelligent comment “There’s sand everywhere!” after picking up some sand on the lake bed. I got the reply of; “Gail, we’re on a sand island…” from my mate Luke, and proceeded to realise I’d spoken my thoughts out loud. Gail James; attempting a career in Forensic Psychology everyone… may Baby Jesus be with us all.).

At night we just cooked dinner, played cards and talked to our lead driver Wayne, who wears the shortest bloody shorts I’ve ever never wanted to see. I swear at one point I saw some head, and I don’t mean the one that his ears are attached to! *shudders* I got on really well with quite a few of the group and we had a good laugh. I also got an awesome tent mate and on the second night when swapping travelling stories, apparently I made her laugh more than she had in ages with one of my embarrassing tales. In the morning, I found out that some other people who’d also gone to bed early had heard what I told Virginia. It’s nice to know that my life is a source of amusement to others.

Another great bonding tactic, other than swapping butt clenching stories, is having to pee together because of dingoes. It seemed a bit ridiculous really, but we had to go in at least pairs to piss in case a dingo decided it liked the smell of our urine and attacked us. What lovely gracious creatures, eh? At 5am one morning, we had probably about five or six howling around our tents though. At first, when it was only one dingo howling, I thought it was someone just taking the piddle, but then the rest joined in and it was kind of like, uh-oh. Thankfully, one of the Irish guys on the trip literally shouted “Fuck off” at the dingoes and they went away. Haha. Whereas some girls couldn’t get back to sleep (and also slept in the car the next night) because they were so scared, Virginia said I passed out again as soon as the howling stopped :D I will admit, I’m not the best person to have around in a crisis!

After Fraser Island, I stayed a couple of nights again at Rainbow Beach. The first night we all went down to the beach to drink goon and play drinking games. Another girl and I also flashed our backsides at a car that pulled up while we were peeing and my peeing partner, Caroline, also told me off for peeing too close to her. There might have been dingoes okay… Fine, there are no dingoes on Rainbow Beach, I just had an overwhelming urge to see her vagina. Joke (kind of). Calm down. Then on the second day, Emma and I went on a walk to go watch the sunset on these GIANT sand dunes. It was so cool. I also threw a boomerang - Ooyeeeah, Ripper!

Agnes Water

In Agnes Water, I did this thing called Scooteroo, where you get to ride your own motorbike (well, a scooter really) for a few hours around the area. Unsurprisingly, I epically failed at riding mine and nearly crashed about 20 times before leaving the yard! (I get nervous when people shout orders at me, okay!?) So they put me on the back of one of the staff’s HARLEY DAVIDSONS. That’s right; I got to ride on a Harley. It was fucking sweet as, brah! Whereas everyone on the scooters didn’t really go over 60km/h, we got to zoom passed them at over 100km/h. It was also nice not to be responsible for whether I crash and kill myself (or anyone else). I think my dad would also be happy that I wasn’t driving around causing havoc on a motorbike. Not sure how he’d feel about me on a Harley with some guy though… Haha. 

Airlie Beach/Whitsundays

So, we arrived in Airlie beach ridiculously early and I basically slept the entire day. Caroline, Anna and I were supposed to go out for a couple of drinks, but after I got off the phone to Katie in the evening, I walked back in and everyone in my dorm was already asleep!

That’s okay though, as it meant we could get up early the next day, meet the rest of the Fraser crew who’d arrived that morning and head to the lagoon to catch some rays (with about 20 layers of sun cream on to shield me from said rays, of course). We also attempted to ‘paint the town red’ as it were that evening, but, oh dear lord, how we failed. It wasn’t our fault however; Airlie Beach is just not a happening place on a Wednesday night! We made the most of our situation though and despite walking into a completely deserted Mama Africa’s, we did not let this dissolve our spirits! Caroline and I took it upon ourselves to provide the entertainment for the rest of the group by dancing like what I can only imagine my Nan would act like on acid, i.e. Caroline did “the crab” and moved about the dance floor doing an occasional kick and also attempting to climb up steps (Omgosh, I’m cracking up just thinking about it!!), whilst I just kind of did some voodoo trance dance around her. At one point we also climbed into this inflatable tube thing, but just as we were about to start dancing in it, Caroline fell over and we got told off. HA. So we finished our free drinks (we had vouchers, hence why we stayed in an empty bar), took some crazy arse photos and went to another bar, where Caroline climbed up a beam and I pretended to dry hump her. Honestly, from the pictures it looks like we had the wildest night ever, but I was in bed by 11pm! xD

The following day I started my Whitsundays trip, which is just where you get on one of a million boats doing the same trip and sail around the Whitsunday islands for a couple of days. The trip was good, we went to Whitehaven beach that has some ridiculously white sand and lemon sharks. We also had to wear our super sexy stinger suits to swim in the sea. Seriously, walking down the beach in that bad boy made me a pussy magnet… except unfortunately, the pussies were the same poles as me and were repelled…

We did a lot of snorkeling on the trip and I got to see the famous Elvis (a massive blue fish that’s been trained to come up to the boats whenever he hears them, as he knows he’s going to get fed). I also “walked the plank” off the boat and played lots of ‘Never Have I Ever’. Once we got back to the main land, I had a free didgeridoo lesson, where a man who MUST have been on steroids taught us how to make dingo noises into our didgeridoo. Then after having half a free pizza at a bar, a few of the Fraser crew and I hoped on the Greyhound to head north to Cairns. Woo – freakin’ luuurve deh night bus.

Cairns

My first impression of Cairns when I arrived was “Jesus Christ, this is not a fucking city; this is a big town, IF that”. However, after getting over my disappointment of not being back in the city, over the few days I spent in Cairns, I started to really like it and actually wish I could have had a few more days just to chill out there with the gang.

Caroline, Anna and I spent our first day in Cairns in 35 degree heat by the lagoon. That night, Virginia turned up and told us one of the most epic tales I’ve ever heard in my life. That woman is a predator… and also my new idol!

The next day Virginia, Emma and I went shopping (basically all we did was try on hats) and then gave up at about 2pm and decided to start drinking instead of going to the lagoon. It was all going so well, until five Australian guys commandeered our table. Now, you’d think I’d be like “Ooyeeah, fucking love me some well fit aussie blokes” – NOT WHEN THEY’RE THE MOST INBRED PEOPLE I’VE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY LIFE (Side note for college peeps; EVEN more inbred than Ryan!). We finally made our escape by joining a couple of Kiwis on their table, but it turned out they were a bit odd by the end of the night too. One of them used the line “Wanna come back to my place and chill and talk for a bit” on Virginia. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I also got sang AT by a Canadian girl… don’t ask, she just likes to make people happy. Fucking hippy. Although, I don’t think us lot were any better. By the end of the night we Caroline, Virginia and I were all motorboating each other in the bar!

The next day Emma and I went a bit further north to Port Douglas to dive the Great Barrier Reef. It was AMAZING!! We had such a good day. On our first dive we saw a shark and a giant leopard print fish (who followed us and let me poke it) and Emma literally had to save me, as for the last ten minutes of the dive I kept floating to the surface, so she had to kind of drag me along with her. She kept joking when we were back on the boat, that I was still a better diving buddy than Luke, as I didn’t have nose bleeds… two minutes later I had a nose bleed. Such a shit buddy; poor Emma. After that though, I got back into the swing of diving again and on our second dive we saw the most beautiful giant turtle, and on the third dive I touched a bloody GIANORMOUS clam that nearly ate my hand and got to stroke a huge blue fish that kept following us, as well as seeing a ridiculous amount of colourful fish and coral - All in all, a bloomin’ awesome day!

That evening we all went out for a meal and ended up eating WAY too much pasta and decided to give drinking a miss and instead go to the cinema. No worries though, as the next day we started drinking at 3pm to make up for it. Luckily no strange men (or girls) came our way this time and we just had an awesome last day together; full of alcohol, too much Mexican, laughter and a very drunk Virginia going “Gail, you can’t leave me! What am I going to do without you?!” by the end of the night! Bless her :D

It’s amazing how, despite having to say goodbye countless times already on my travels, it didn’t make it any easier saying tara to the Fraser crew. We definitely became a little family and I think all of us feel the same when I say we were fucking lucky bastards to meet, travel and have such a hilarious time together. There are plans for a London reunion in the near future and *fingers crossed* it’ll happen, so we can make a few more memories together.

Now I’m in New Zealand and I’ve just started my Kiwi Experience tour. All I have to report so far is that I’ve already bumped into someone I know, it’s cold and it looks like Wales; lots of sheep and hills! And I also spent an entire day living two hours in the past, as I forgot the time change.