1. xxbecause-i-canxx:

    hotmesswithouthehot:

    lemonmintcoughdrops:

    the-grudge-girl:

    I live in Osaka, Japan and often use the subway to go to work in the morning. One day while I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in the corner of the subway station muttering to himself as people passed by. He was holding out a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.

    An overweight woman passed by the homeless man and I distinctly heard him say, “Pig.”

    Wow, this man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money?

    Then a tall businessman went by and the man muttered, “Human.”

    Human? I can’t argue with that. Obviously, he was human.

    The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and had some time to kill, so I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings.  A thin, haggard-looking man passed in front of him and I heard the homeless guy mutter, “Cow.” Cow? The man was much too skinny to be a cow. To me, he resembled a turkey or a chicken. A minute or so later, an obese man went by and the homeless man said, “Potato.” Potato? I was under the impression that he called all fat people “Pig”.

    That day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man and his puzzling behavior. I kept trying to find some logic or pattern in what he as muttering. Perhaps he has some kind of psychic ability. In Japan many people believe in reincarnation, so maybe he knows what these people were during a previous life. I observed the man many times and began to think my theory was right. I often heard him calling people things like “Rabbit”, “Onion”, “Sheep”, or “Tomato”.

    One day, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him what was going on. As I walked up to him, he looked at me and said, “Bread.” I tossed some money into his cup and asked him if he had some kind of psychic ability. The man smiled and said, “Yes, indeed. It is an ability I obtained many years ago, but it’s not what you might expect. I can’t tell the future or read minds or anything like that.”

    “Then what is your ability?” I asked eagerly.

    “The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate,” he said.

    I laughed because I realized he was right. He said, “Bread.” The last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast. I walked away shaking my head. Of all the psychic abilities someone could have, that one must be the most useless.

    HUMAN

    HUMAN

    SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST

    (via anidioticyognaught)

     

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  4. i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

    I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

    (submitted by anonymous)

    (via americannigheandonn)

     


  5. owlmylove:

    therewerestarsintheireyes:

    so this housewife decided to rewrite the harry potter series into christian books so that her kids wont be reading about witchcraft and i just cant eveN BREATHE BC THIS IS SO HYSTERICAL

    read it here:

    Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

    image

    (via americannigheandonn)

     

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  7. tamorapierce:

    socialnetworkhell:

    "Consensual sex" is just sex. To say that implies that there is such a thing as "non consensual sex", which there isn’t. That’s rape. That is what it needs to be called. There is only sex or rape. Do not teach people that rape is just another type of sex. They are two very separate events. You wouldn’t say "breathing swimming" and "non breathing swimming", you say swimming and drowning.

    This is a very good point.

    (via americannigheandonn)

     

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  9. camo-zamboni:

    camo-zamboni:

    camo-zamboni:

    My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?

    I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”

    Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay

    STOP REBLOGGING THIS HE HAS A TUMBLR

    (Source: camo--zamboni, via americannigheandonn)

     

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